“I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.”

Beliefs and Values...

This two words making up a human being's life. It is impossible to function through a day without these two defining your actions. Values are the driving force in our lives that have us act the way we are.

Once again, I bring up the fact that Scotland is supposed to change you. I bring this up for the simple fact that I have had people saying, "it will just be like old times when you're back, right Megan?"

The problem is, I cannot promise my friends that it will be the same. I do not feel different, but who knows if I still have the same values. If I'm the same Megan they are remembering. My beliefs are still the same, the core of who I am, but how I apply them may have change.

It is complicated to say, but I don't know who I'll be when I'm back in America. What will I value? What will I discard?

Independence is one of the number one values I have. It has always been number one in my life, but I still enjoyed my friends, exploring new places involving a group. Depending on my parents as little as possible, but still depending a bit. I think my trip to Scotland has managed to make me even more independent. I barely get to talk to my parents, my friends. I'm constantly in a group or groups here. If I'm not being followed by a group to Edinburgh or something, I'm doing group work in class. There is no time I'm alone any more. I feel like when I'm back in America my value of independence will run wild. I feel as though I'll cut off from people and just need to hermit myself for a while, do it all on my own.

It isn't shocking that independence is number one in my values, especially since one of my beliefs is in people's choice in life. I see everyone as independent and choosing of their life in many aspects. Therefore, independence is important.

My other value that I didn't realize was important, until coming here is simply individuality. Which seems like something that should have crossed my mind sooner, especially since I value independence.

I see people walking down the street while riding on the public transit, and I am amazed at all the different styles you can see walking down the street. It has really inspired me to just be my eccentric self. I don't feel like I need to conform. When in a group, if their ideas are not matching mind. I feel like my independence and individuality allow me to have the courage to stand up and separate myself from ideas I do not agree with.

I truly realized this in class on Thursday, when I separated myself from my group, when I barely agreed with anything they had decided. Especially because my voice was not being heard. A month ago, I do not know if I would have risked my teachers anger or loss of points by saying I was no longer a part of my assigned group. I would have probably conformed to group think.

My beliefs are pretty sturdy though, if anything Scotland and classes have made them stronger or weaker, but I know I haven't found any new core beliefs or had to drastically of a change. Even minor changes could reform my values. Perhaps I believe even more in my power of choice, and that is why I'm even more independent and individualistic.

In the end. I have no clue who I'll be when I'm back in America. I'll still be Megan the American Woman from Minnesota. But....

Will I be more independent, will I make my voice more loudly heard when I disagree, will I be more open or close minded, will I feel like I am where I belong? Will I feel like my friends have the same values as me? Will my friends still see me as the same Megan?

I just don't know, but I am anxious to find out.

I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself. ~James Baldwin

I have friends of many different backgrounds and ethnicity. I have even recently acquired some Scottish mates which is great, but after watching Crash(for the second time in my life) I can't help be think of what one of my good friends, Bhao, said to me.

During a staff meeting when we were supposed to talk about something we enjoyed about each person on the staff, she said this for mine.

Bhao(whom is Hmong and a kick arse person!) said that I was amazing because whenever she hung out with me she felt like just another white girl. That she didn't feel like I noticed her ethnicity and she loves that I hung out, just like I would with anyone else. At the time I heard that I was like. OH NO, I'm a horrible person, even though she kept telling me she loved that about me. That I was so open and accepting. That everyone was the same to me and backgrounds didn't matter. To me everyone was amazingly awesome. Meanwhile inside I was screaming, Bad Megan, Bad. All because I had been taught that you are supposed respect people's differences not ignore them. I thought she was basically saying, I was ignoring what made her unique.

But while I was in my bed on Tuesday night. I got it. (of course our class discussing things helped quite a bit) She meant I made her feel like, she was apart of the majority and not in the minority. In America, and even here in the U.K. the white are the majority. They are the politicians, they dominate the schools(for the most part), the higher paying jobs, and are mainly the view you see of these countries.

Bhao was saying when I hung out with her, I wasn't belittling her ethnicity, I was accepting it as on par with my own. At the time, I couldn't understand this, but after having it happen to myself, I get it.

I finally in Scotland felt like I was a minority all because of a single incident. I may be white, but I'm a white American, not a white European. What does this mean? Simple. Most places in Scotland(according to my American Host mum who lives here with her Scottish husband) will not higher American's full time, even if they have immigrated here legally and permanently. They need to have dual citizen ship(which takes even longer than in the U.S.) to get a full time job easily. Even then it is hard with the label American. She said she believed it was because they are always afraid the Americans abandon and go back to America. When she told me this, that was when I truly felt like even though people were the same color as me, looked like me. They had something more than me, a privilege I cannot achieve.

I know this is nothing like being a minority in America, and not even a tenth of what some people have experienced, but it was still shocking to me.

I was someone who came from a dominate culture of Mt. Dew, cheeseburgers, french fries, big cars, and even bigger houses, but... if I immigrated or went to school in Scotland or the U.K. for that matter I would struggle to find a job just because of the label American.

That's a reverse for me. The label American is what gets you a job in America. A white American is the dominate culture in my country. Not here though. Here I'm a minority. I am white American, and even though that whiteness still gets me more here than compared to a Hispanic or African American because the dominate culture is still white. The full title of the dominate culture is white European(British in the U.K.) which I am not fully apart of.

It's weird. It's different. It's unnerving.

An immigrant is an immigrant(I'm not an immigrant, but I could have been), why does their former country matter so much?

Mexico, America, Britain, Scotland, Iran, Iraq, Russia, Haiti, Canada, Belize, Egypt. It is more than just a place you live. It is a place your privileges are decided. They are places that help dictate how you're treated, who you are.

I'm a White American Woman, who is a part of the dominate culture in America, where I could be anything I want. I am a White American Woman who is not apart of the dominate culture in Scotland, where I would struggle to find a full time job.

Do I still want to move to Scotland or the U.K. permanently? No, it is a dream that costs too much.

I am a White American Woman who will stay in America where my dreams will be less costly. Where I will not have to work as hard, and let my privilege of being a part of the majority help me get where I want in the world. I am privileged in America, and I fully realize this now. It is the easy way, but the way I choose.

I'm Megan, I'm White, I'm American, I'm a Woman, I'm a Minnesotan.

Who are you?