Beliefs and Values...
This two words making up a human being's life. It is impossible to function through a day without these two defining your actions. Values are the driving force in our lives that have us act the way we are.
Once again, I bring up the fact that Scotland is supposed to change you. I bring this up for the simple fact that I have had people saying, "it will just be like old times when you're back, right Megan?"
The problem is, I cannot promise my friends that it will be the same. I do not feel different, but who knows if I still have the same values. If I'm the same Megan they are remembering. My beliefs are still the same, the core of who I am, but how I apply them may have change.
It is complicated to say, but I don't know who I'll be when I'm back in America. What will I value? What will I discard?
Independence is one of the number one values I have. It has always been number one in my life, but I still enjoyed my friends, exploring new places involving a group. Depending on my parents as little as possible, but still depending a bit. I think my trip to Scotland has managed to make me even more independent. I barely get to talk to my parents, my friends. I'm constantly in a group or groups here. If I'm not being followed by a group to Edinburgh or something, I'm doing group work in class. There is no time I'm alone any more. I feel like when I'm back in America my value of independence will run wild. I feel as though I'll cut off from people and just need to hermit myself for a while, do it all on my own.
It isn't shocking that independence is number one in my values, especially since one of my beliefs is in people's choice in life. I see everyone as independent and choosing of their life in many aspects. Therefore, independence is important.
My other value that I didn't realize was important, until coming here is simply individuality. Which seems like something that should have crossed my mind sooner, especially since I value independence.
I see people walking down the street while riding on the public transit, and I am amazed at all the different styles you can see walking down the street. It has really inspired me to just be my eccentric self. I don't feel like I need to conform. When in a group, if their ideas are not matching mind. I feel like my independence and individuality allow me to have the courage to stand up and separate myself from ideas I do not agree with.
I truly realized this in class on Thursday, when I separated myself from my group, when I barely agreed with anything they had decided. Especially because my voice was not being heard. A month ago, I do not know if I would have risked my teachers anger or loss of points by saying I was no longer a part of my assigned group. I would have probably conformed to group think.
My beliefs are pretty sturdy though, if anything Scotland and classes have made them stronger or weaker, but I know I haven't found any new core beliefs or had to drastically of a change. Even minor changes could reform my values. Perhaps I believe even more in my power of choice, and that is why I'm even more independent and individualistic.
In the end. I have no clue who I'll be when I'm back in America. I'll still be Megan the American Woman from Minnesota. But....
Will I be more independent, will I make my voice more loudly heard when I disagree, will I be more open or close minded, will I feel like I am where I belong? Will I feel like my friends have the same values as me? Will my friends still see me as the same Megan?
I just don't know, but I am anxious to find out.
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